Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so let's talk penis.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
