i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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