Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
