Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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