Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
