This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
