Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
