hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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