So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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