you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
