it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
