He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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