Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
