fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize