He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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