I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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