Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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