remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
