using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
