Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
