Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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