remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
