she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize