He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I party with great urgency now.
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