we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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