i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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