Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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