; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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