Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
