you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize