while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize