The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
