I just cut my nipple shaving
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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