Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I understand Curling. That high.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
