Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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