So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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