Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
