My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
