i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
