So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
