well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
did i just pee glitter
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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