Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
