I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
