So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
