I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize