YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
