if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
