you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
