sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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