Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
