I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
