just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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