The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
