Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
