I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I want her autograph on my taint
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
