I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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