Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
