Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
