is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
