she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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