I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize