he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
