I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
