I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
