I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
