I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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