I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
