your thong is hanging out like whoa
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
