"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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