I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
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