Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We have started to decorate penises.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
