His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize