So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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