I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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