then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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