Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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