hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
