Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
