I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
