Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
