weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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