Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
