I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
