my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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