drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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