at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You made out with two different species that night
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
wow bdsm is so cute
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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