his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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