Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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