every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dignity is for republicans.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
